Finis Vitae
by HolbyCityFan13
Summary: One-shot about Jac & Jonny's daughter. I wanted to write something a bit happier, but this felt more realistic. They are together in this, though it's not obvious until the end.


**A/N: This is my first Holby City fanfic. I wanted to write something happier but this felt more realistic. The title, Finis Vitae, is Latin for 'end of life.'In this fanfic, Bonnie & Jonny did not get back together in Fait Accompli.**

She sat beside the baby's bed in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. She'd barely left her daughter's bedside in the last week. She almost didn't notice Jonny sitting in the chair opposite her. "Go home, Jac." He sighed, his eyes flicking between the baby and her mother. She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak without crying. "You don't have to be here twenty four seven." At first, he thought she hadn't heard him. She didn't speak, simply shaking her head again. She didn't think he had the right to say that, after what had happened. He didn't understand. He hadn't even been there when she was born, when she had almost gone blue from a lack of oxygen because her lungs were too small. He didn't know what it had been like to watch her daughter being taken away, seconds after she was born. He didn't understand what it felt like not being allowed to see her, only knowing that her daughter was alive, and nothing else about her, for over an hour. She sighed. She could tell he was waiting for her to say something, though she wasn't quite sure what he wanted her to say. "You don't understand." She muttered, breaking the long silence between them. "She's my daughter too, Jac, of course I understand!" He started to get angry, but told himself to calm down, for her sake, at least. He knew how hard it was to sit and watch, helpless, as their daughter lay there, connected to a ventilator and covered in wires, because she was unable to breathe on her own. He could only imagine how much harder it was for Jac, after she'd carried the baby for eight months, and he was almost certain that she would be blaming herself, no matter how many times anyone told her otherwise. "You weren't there." She interrupted his thoughts, and he could hear the accusation in her voice. He still felt guilty about that – he should have been there with her, and instead he was at home, unaware of what was going on until that evening, when he'd finally switched his phone on. He couldn't help wishing he hadn't switched it off in the first place. He knew they would have ended up in the same situation, but they would have been through it together, and it seemed so much worse that she had been through it on her own instead. He sighed. Jac's phone buzzed, and she barely glanced at the screen before she switched it off. She knew that there was no way that she could have prevented it, and that it wasn't her fault, or anyone else's, that she'd gone into early labour, but she couldn't help blaming herself. She was sure that at least part of it was down to her – she had managed to destroy all the other good things that had happened in her life, so why would this be any different? Her thoughts were interrupted by the beep of the heart monitor. She'd spent so much time there recently that she'd got used to its steady rhythm, but it had changed. It was slower. Jac looked up at Jonny and saw that he'd noticed too, and frowned as he looked at the heart monitor. She didn't hesitate to press the button on the wall to call for assistance. 2 doctors and a nurse rushed onto the ward and towards their daughter's bed. "Heart rate's slow." One of them said. "BP dropping." The nurse glanced at the monitors. "There's no pulse. She's gone into cardiac arrest!" Jac stood to one side, unsure of what to do. She knew what she _should _have been doing, or, at least, what she would have done, had it been one of her patients, but this was her daughter. She didn't notice Jonny had moved until he was by her side, pulling her back. "There's nothing we can do." He said quietly. They could only hear snatches of what was being said. "Start CPR…We need the crash trolley! Any output?...Charge to 150…Clear!...No output…Charge again…Clear!" The nurse stood beside the baby, checking for a pulse. She glanced at the parents. "No output." She said softly. "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but…" The nurse's voice trailed off, and Jonny swallowed the lump in his throat. "She's gone." He finished. He felt Jac's hand grip his, and he saw the tears in her eyes. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and blinked back his own tears. He had to be strong, for her. He was all she had left.


End file.
